Resolving interpersonal conflict

Conflict between people is a fact of life – and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Conflicts occur at all levels of interaction – at work, among friends, within families and between relationship partners. When conflict occurs, the relationship may be weakened or strengthened. Whether a relationship is healthy or unhealthy depends not so much on the number of conflicts between participants, but on how the conflicts are resolved.

Below I will describe the context of a conflict, including the people involved, the main problem, and the causes. Whether it is real or I will save the answer till the end.

There are two main characters in this context, a girl named Eva and a boy named Steven. They had been a couple for more than a year. They did everything together: as they were in the same major, they studied together; as they were in the same CCAs, they did activities together; as they stayed in the same hall, they went back to their own places together. They seemed to be an ideal couple in everybody's mind. When looking at them, "break up" would be the last phrase you would think about. However, within these two young people, a conflict existed from the very beginning of their relationship. The girl have the doubt whether the boy totally got out from the previous relationship and she even doubted whether the guy was very into her. The boy was a gentleman, in her mind, she was just a part that the guy could show his gentle to the rest, but not a lover.

However, she was a person avoided the existence of conflict. They never talked about this issue and the girl never mentioned about her doubt to Steven. She just used her talent about speculation to try to see how much he loved herself. Unfortunately, in this case, the conflict often lingered in the background during interaction between the participants and created the potential for further tension and even more conflict.

After the winter vacation, several days after they returned to the school. They suddenly did not speak with each other any more. No emails, no explanation, no SMS, no calls, the only thing the girl wanted was to break up with Steven. She was tired of the speculation and finally she did not have any feeling about him. She was exhausted in this relationship. No matter what the poor guy did to keep her at his side, she just wanted to escape from him. There seems no interpersonal conflict at surface, but there is a big conflict in their heart. The personality of the girl causes her avoidance of talking about the problem, the carelessness of the guy causes his ignorance of the problem. However, does it mean for every relationship which get doubt at the beginning must end in such a silent and sad way? Aren't there some possible good solutions for this intra-interpersonal conflict?

Eva and Steven could use some effective communication skills to solve the problems. They could try to put themselves into the shoes of the other person. See the world through their eyes. This gives the message that you understand what the other is trying to say. Alternatively, Steven can ask gentle, probing questions about what Eva is thinking and feeling. Encourage her to talk fully about what is on her mind.  Anything is better than a quiet, and sad break up. My question is: If you were one of the two characters in the story, what are you going to do?

In the end, my characters are hypothetical, however, the story was real.........

Why effective communications are so important to me?

According to Warren Buffett, “Your ability to convey your ideas to others will be an enormous determinant to your success". In my opinion, communication, as an act of exchanging information or instance of transmitting, is the key to a successful career and its wide implications made it crucial in our daily life.


Blogs, emails, phone calls, talks, classes…communication is everywhere in our society. The way I communicate with the others identifies who I am in this world. Rich communication skills could help me build a more accurate social status and to be better understood by the others. The effectiveness of communication is also a reflection of my interpersonal skills; this would help me build a stronger connection with my beloved ones, my respected ones and my idolized ones. Without a shadow of doubt, expertise in communication could make me optimist.

As a student with a major in engineering, although formulas and designs are my main tools to accomplish my workload, effective communication skills are considered more essential than either technical knowledge or computer skills. I obtained these new perspectives after several problems that occurred during my studies.

Conflicts during group meetings, especially while doing academic projects, seem to be unavoidable due to misleading communications between members. Ineffective communications may frequently cause discomfort after each meeting. The concept of win-win negotiation and the useful methods of communication are very poorly adapted. Most of our efforts have been wasted on solving interpersonal relationship problems rather than doing the real work. Therefore, at this point of time, I realized that adequate communication is the cornerstone of success, regardless the kind of work you are doing.

Therefore, whether in work, daily routine or personal life; the importance of communication skills should not be underestimated.